So I am decorating WAY early this year. My teenage antichrist and I are flying out for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year to visit my parents. This will be the first holiday season minus the ex-hole and I am trying to make it as painless as possible for my beloved 15 year old child of Satan.
Two things to note..........my daughter is the best thing in my life, but teenagers can be assholes. Also, my dad is buying these plane tickets. I have zero room left on my credit cards and am buying groceries with change found in my couch cushions. Plane tickets are not in my budget.
I decided to save anxiety and put up the outside lights today since it was 50 degrees and I hate cold as much as I hate the fact my ass has its own zip code. I have never done this before......but, how hard can it be?
Let's begin at the beginning. I discovered half the lights were dead-I also discovered that you should plug them in as you go.......not put them on all the bushes then try to plug them in. The plug and socket ends have to match--who knew? I had to take every light off and start over--twice. I cut my hand open on a broken light, I tripped over the extension cord and fell down--twice. I had to run to the store for lights--twice. But, I did it! I put up the lights. They all work and I did not burn the house down. It's a Christmas miracle!!!!!
I stood outside like the dad in Christmas Story and admired my work-it is not perfect, but is done and it is mine. I can add this line to my online dating profile (if I ever get up the nerve to create one).
Kicks ass at putting up Christmas light...........not as good of a selling point as kicks ass at oral, but it might get some attention. :-)
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