Blue Jeans

I am a child of the 80's.  That meant much of my youth was spent finding the perfect pair of blue jeans.  It all started in 4th grade when I got to pick out my own clothes.  It was a huge day.  We went to Sears.  Why did we go to Sears?  Well, I was fat then too.  I have been fat since conception.  We went to Sears because Sears had "pretty plus".  Those were clothes for fat girls.  They also had something called husky for fat boys.  My sister was shopping in the slim department....and I was searching the rack for jeans--in the pretty plus section. My skinny sister is a story for another day.  I will need to take a Xanax first.

  I looked and looked and found the perfect pair!  They had the Pittsburgh Steelers helmet in black satin on the back pocket.  OMG-the boy I loved  was a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.  He would see this on my ass and ask me to be his Valentine.  It was a dream come true.  They also had jeans with the Dallas Cowboys logo, but my best friend (also chubby) had those already. I decided-these were my destiny.

  I grew up in a small farm town in Indiana-we had no pro football team.  I did not know what a Steeler was or even what  Pittsburgh was-but, I bought the jeans.  The next day, I curled my hair, I put on my blue eye shadow (in the school bathroom cause I was not allowed to wear makeup).  I was rocking those jeans!  I knew this was the day my life would change.  I would be popular, I would be cool.  I had arrived.  I blasted the aqua net on my feathered hair, added some shiny lip gloss and walked into class.  I waited all day for someone to notice the new me.  We were in line at the end of the day for the bus and a pretty, blonde haired girl (I will call her bitch) says...........Christie-- what is that on your butt?  It looks like you sat in poop.  (I guess she did not recognize the awesome black helmet).  Everyone laughed, I went home and cried and never wore those jeans again. 

I continue to search for the perfect pair of jeans.  I have lost enough weight to almost be done with the "big girl" stores.  I still secretly hope a pair of jeans will change my life.  And I take pleasure that the skinny, bitchy, blonde was fat as shit at my class reunion!